Paralegals Canada  


Litigation Paralegals Professional Corporation


Humour


ATTORNEY:    This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:    And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:      I forget.
ATTORNEY:    You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY:    Doctor, is it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:      Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY:    The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      He's 20, much like your IQ.


ATTORNEY:    Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:      Are you sh*tting me?


ATTORNEY:    So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:    And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:      Getting laid.


ATTORNEY:    She had three children, right?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:    How many were boys?
WITNESS:      None.
ATTORNEY:    Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


ATTORNEY:    How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:      By death.
ATTORNEY:    And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:      Take a guess.


ATTORNEY:    Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:      He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:    Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:      Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


ATTORNEY:    Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:      All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


ATTORNEY:    ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:      Oral.


ATTORNEY:    Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:      The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:    And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:      If not, he was by the time I finished.


ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:     Are you qualified to ask that question?


ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:   So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:   How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:   I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:    Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.